The Rise and Fall of Pants
Good afternoon, everyone.
If you're a Pamphleteer old head, you'll be familiar with my long-time obsession with the rise of men's pants. I like them long. Pants should sit at the waist, not below it.
In any event, I queried our AI Overlord and commissioned a short satirical article correlating the falling rise of men's pants with the decline of civilization. Read and decide for yourself if we are all out of jobs now.
Onward, Davis.
Historians have long argued about when the West began its terminal decline. Some blame the gold standard, others the advent of reality TV. Now a bold new theory has emerged from the Institute for Questionable Sociological Correlations: it was the moment men stopped wearing their trousers around their actual waists.
“Civilization peaks with the waistband,” explains Dr. Corduroy Tweed, whose résumé consists mainly of angry letters to GQ. “Consider the Roman toga—effectively a belt under the armpits. Empire. Renaissance doublets? Practically chest-high. Enlightenment breeches? Still well‑north of the navel. Then along came the 20th‑century low‑rise, and boom: stock‑market crashes, disco, and the phrase ‘okay, boomer.’”
Tweed’s team produced a graph plotting average pant rise against notable milestones in societal doom. The Great Depression coincides with the first pleated slack dipping below the umbilicus. The Watergate scandal appears just as bell‑bottoms settle onto the hips. By the time skinny jeans arrive in the early 2000s—hovering somewhere between pelvic bone and plumber’s abyss—Western civilization is googling “how to make avocado toast” instead of “how to build cathedrals.”
Eyewitnesses confirm the pattern. “When my granddad pulled on his high‑waisted wool trousers, the nation built the Hoover Dam,” says local millennial Bryce Loden, adjusting pants that seem to require GPS to find a waistband. “I tug mine up two inches and need a three‑day weekend.”
What’s next? Tweed predicts that if fashion labels proceed with rumored “zero‑rise” jeans (little more than ankle cuffs and vibes), society will revert to feudal bartering by 2030. “The lower the pants, the closer we teeter to the cultural gutter,” he warns, trousers firmly at mid‑sternum.
In response, the Institute proposes emergency measures: mandatory suspenders in federal buildings, tax credits for anything labeled “high‑rise,” and a National Waistline Restoration Day. Congress, currently debating whether to wear pants at all, remains divided—though bipartisanship spikes whenever a belt is spotted above the belly button. Until then, brace yourself. Or at least hitch up your trousers. By CHATGPT (Are we out of jobs yet?)
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🖋️ Edited by Megan Podsiedlik.
💸 Metro Sues RFK Nashville has joined a coalition of major municipalities—Harris County, Texas; Columbus, Ohio; and Kansas City, Missouri—along with the American Federation of State,
County, and Municipal Employees (part of the AFL-CIO) in filing a lawsuit against Health and Human Services Director Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Susan Monarez. The challenge makes the argument that “defendants’ belief that the end of the COVID-19 pandemic justifies an end to all COVID-related expenditures cannot be a lawful basis to terminate the programs.”
According to Mayor O’Connell, the cuts have led to the termination of 5 Metro employees so far and bar access to lab testing for infectious diseases. “The order came down to shut down the program immediately, that day, that no further work would be paid for by the federal government,” said Metro Law Director Deitz during this morning’s media roundtable. “That means some Nashvillians who took lab tests and were waiting back for lab results may not get them because of the federal sundown.”
⚖️ Day 3: Casada/Cothren Trial Yesterday, the court heard opening arguments, a few testimonies, and finalized the jury selection for the federal corruption trial of former Tennessee House Speaker Glen Casada and his aide Cade Cothren. According to NewsChannel 5’s Chris Davis, the prosecution accused the duo of using kickbacks, pass-through companies, and fake identities to establish Phoenix Solutions and siphon taxpayer money. Casada’s attorney, Ed Yarbrough, countered that the investigation was a politically motivated attack by House Speaker Cameron Sexton, framing it as a rivalry. Cothren’s attorney, Joy Longnecker, claimed the former aide used a fake name for Phoenix Solutions to avoid media scrutiny from a prior texting scandal, not with criminal intent.
Former state Representative Patsy Hazelwood (R-Signal Mountain) testified that she unknowingly used Phoenix Solutions and would have refused had she known of Cothren’s involvement due to his poor reputation, a sentiment echoed by Representative Esther Helton-Haynes (R-East Ridge) in her testimony. The trial ties back to former state Representative Robin Smith (R-Hixon) who pleaded guilty to wire fraud in 2022 and is cooperating with the FBI, with federal filings cited by the Chattanooga Times Free Press revealing that Phoenix Solutions, Casada’s Right Way Consulting, and Smith’s River’s Edge Alliance received $52,000 in taxpayer funds.
DEVELOPMENT
- Roasted at The Local Distro site hits the market in Salemtown (NBJ)
- Racing simulation bar planned near downtown (Post)
- Germantown site eyed for hotel sells for $6.55M (Post)
- Salemtown commercial building listed for $1.5M (Post)
✹ WEEKLY FILM RUNDOWN: April 25-May 1
The latest releases and special screenings hitting Music City this week. For a complete list of upcoming titles, check out the 2025 Film Guide.
The Shrouds (Dir. David Cronenberg) The latest from the Canadian body-horror pioneer is an ode to his late wife featuring a widower played by Vincent Cassel who copes with his grief by creating a device to communicate with the dead via a burial shroud. By all accounts Cronenberg’s most personal film since his 1979 sci fi divorce allegory The Brood and one of our most anticipated movies of the year. Now playing at AMC Thoroughbred 20 and The Belcourt.
The Accountant 2 (Dir. Gavin O’Connor) Ben Affleck reprises his role as the autistic bookkeeper for the criminal underworld, who teams up with his assassin brother (Jon Bernthal) to break open a conspiracy. Now playing in theaters
Until Dawn (Dir. David F. Sanberg) The blockbuster video game about a group of friends searching for their bestie in a Groundhog Day like village of horrors gets a big screen adaptation. Now playing in theaters.
The Legend of Ochi (Dir. Isiaha Saxton) A24 aims to prove Marcel, The Shell With Shoes On was no fluke with its second family outing. This time, a young girl tries to bring a mythical baby
THINGS TO DO
View our calendar for the week here and our weekly film rundown here.
📅 Visit our On The Radar list to find upcoming events around Nashville.
🎧 On Spotify: Pamphleteer's Picks, a playlist of our favorite bands in town this week.
👨🏻🌾 Check out our Nashville farmer's market guide.
TONIGHT
🎸 Widespread Panic @ Ascend Amphitheater, 7p, $85+, Info
🎻 Tchaikovsky Celebration @ Schermerhorn Symphony Center, 7:30p, $29+, Info
🎸 Sharon Van Etten @ Brooklyn Bowl Nashville, 8p, Info
🎸 King Hannah @ The Blue Room, 7p, $28.60, Info
🪕 The Cowpokes @ Acme Feed & Seed, 12p, Free, Info
🍀 Live Irish Music @ McNamara’s Irish Pub, 6p, Free, Info
🎸 Kelley’s Heroes @ Robert’s Western World, 6:30p, Free, Info
📰 Check out the full newsletter archive here.
Today's newsletter is brought to you by Megan Podsiedlik (Nashville), Jerod Hollyfield (Crowd Corner), Camelia Brennan (Local Noise), and Davis Hunt (everything else).