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No. 244: April Showers Bring May Primaries

⁂ Nashville's Alt-Daily ⁂ May Primaries · Carlson Cut · Parliament Sexpocalypse · Fire Ball in Mississippi · Much More!

Good morning, everyone.

Well, tomorrow is the last chance for you to vote in May's primary elections. Positions up for a vote on the Democratic and GOP primary ballot include District Attorney, MNPS School Board, and various judgeships. The majority of the positions have no Republican challengers, so most of the action, unless you live in School Board District 2, will be found on the Democratic primary ballot. More on that below.

Today, we run through the May primary ballot, look at the latest shots aimed at Tucker Carlson, consider the hilarity of British Parliament, and remind you of the Flat Curver Awards.

You can follow us on Twitter (@realpamphleteer), LinkedIn (@realpamphleteer), or Instagram (@realpamphleteer) for additional content.

Thanks for reading.

The Flat Curver Awards

On April 25th, the week of the two-year anniversary of lockdowns lifting, we unveiled the winners of the First (and hopefully only) Pamphleteer's Flat Curver Awards. We honored those who stood strong against the rising tide of tyranny and ruthlessly mocked those that didn't.

Some of the winners include:

  • The Budding Swamp Creature Award went to Chattanooga's Tucker McClendon
  • The Bigget Covid Boner went to the Tennessean's Brett Kelman
  • The Media Gadfly was local fixture Robby Starbuck
  • And many more!

View the full feature online here.



Tomorrow's the day. If you didn't get out for early voting, tomorrow is the last day to vote in the May primaries. Read our primary guide here.

On the ballot for the May 3rd primaries, you’ll see an overwhelming number of Democrats up for election in Davidson County.

There is only one race in the primaries with Republicans on the ticket, and that is the School Board Race for District 2. It’s worth noting that the Metro School Board kept kids in remote learning and masked them longer than in other counties. Other key discussions surrounding the school board races revolve around fiscal transparency, what’s being taught in the classroom as regards sexuality and gender, and parental rights.

Another notable race is the District Attorney race. Though there are only Democrats on the ticket, the race is extremely important as DAs have the power to prosecute, and arguably, will most directly impact your quality of life in the city. Their platforms determine how laws are implemented, how bail is set, and how/what criminal behavior is punished. Many of the platforms popping up in the current DA race mimic progressive DA practices in some of the most dangerous cities in the country. These platforms include relaxed cash bail which has led to an increase in violent crime committed by criminals out on bond, "restorative" justice, equity through the criminal justice system, prosecuting police, and radical adjustments made in the name of compensating for racial and class discrimination.

Below, we have outlined the campaign platforms of the candidates in these two important races. We also provided some background information regarding certain candidates we are partial to so you can get an idea of who they are before they show up on the General election ballot. It is important to note that any candidate listed as the only party candidate in their race will not show up on the Primary election ballot. You can peruse all the candidates we listed by exploring the links to their campaign pages. Explore the full list of candidates on your own by navigating Davidson County's candidate listing.

Don’t live in School Board District 2 and have no Republicans to vote for in the primaries? Consider voting in the Democratic Primaries and allow your voice to be heard regarding the District Attorney Race. Tennessee is an open primary state, meaning you can vote in any party primary you choose.

Continue reading for a full ballot rundown...




  • Green Hills could land mixed-use building (Post)
  • Spanish restaurant eyed for 2023 Gulch opening (Post)
  • Wedgewood-Houston building under contract (Post)
  • Carhartt opens latest retail store in Nashville (Post)


After the NYT ran a "hit piece" against Tucker Carlson bravely titled 'How Tucker Carlson Stoked White Fear to Conquer Cable,' it's worth contextualizing how big Carlson's audience is. The writer describes Carlson as "a latter-day Father Coughlin and a movement builder in the mold of Pat Buchanan" in a series of tweets presenting the story.

Almost a century ago, the Catholic Father Coughlin who parroted loud pro-fascist/anti-semitic views in the 1930s had a weekly audience in the 30-40 million range in a country of about 125 million people. Carlson, by comparison, reaches approximately 3 million people each week in a country of 330 million. A considerably smaller slice. As WWII escalated and interventionism became more popular, Coughlin went the way of the dodo, and the US became the most egalitarian nation in human history.

It's been consistently proven that people's political proclivities emerge from their family and social circles more than from what a cable TV host says on a channel between erectile dysfunction ads — which indicates the age of its audience.


As we mentioned last week, the British House of Commons, roughly equivalent to the American House of Representatives, is in turmoil after a member was spotted watching pornography during Parliament.

Well, the authorities identified the culprit — who said he first visited a graphic website accidentally while looking at tractors online, but then returned to the site deliberately, in a “moment of madness” — and he's decided of his own volition that he will step down. Such an incident is clearly indicative of some kind of systemic issue. There are a lot of those flying around these days.

Following the national dictum coined by Winston Churchill to "never let a good crisis go to waste," Conservative politicians on the island nation are using the opportunity to push for more female representation to tackle the sleaze. Presumably, women won't watch porn on their phones — a brave admission to make these days. I guess the Brits have settled on what a woman is? If so, congratulations, the twenty-first century has finally arrived.

The porno incident doesn't hold a candle to another Member of Parliament (MP), Imran Ahmad, who stepped down after being found guilty of sexually assaulting a 15-year old boy, but presumably, the story of a guy watching smut at work makes for an easier, more palatable impetus for electing more women.

There've been even more incidents though. The way it looks to me, the British Parliament is probably closer to a Madison Cawthorn-style orgy than an effective political body. How do they get anything done? Another female MP claims she was pinned against the wall by a male MP who then purred, "I must want him because he was a powerful man".

But the icing on the cake comes from one Angela Rayner, who we mentioned last week, and her infamous "Basic Instinct" gesture to distract Boris Johnson. The story scandalized Parliament and bolstered Rayner's public profile to a considerable degree if only for the audacity of the move — were it true. Well, as it turns out, Rayner herself was the source for the story, telling it to a colleague who then leaked it to the Daily Mail. Following the initial story, universal condemnation of the falling Sword of Damocles variety came down on MPs in general and the Daily Mail in particular for being misogynistic and running such a misogynistic story. It's a pandemic of misogyny!

As one politician of the opposing Labour Party put it, "The idea that Angela initiated these vile sexist smears shows just how far Conservative MPs will go to avoid talking about tackling the cost of living." Between this and Partygate, that seems to be the case.


  • 🇺🇦 House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and a delegation of U.S. lawmakers pledged Sunday to support Ukraine until it secured victory against Russia, after meeting with Ukraine’s leader in the capital city of Kyiv.
  • 🇨🇳 The Chinese communist regime has locked down the world’s largest wholesale market—Yiwu city in China’s Zhejiang Province—since April 27 because of a COVID-19 outbreak. Experts believe the regime’s implementation of the extreme “zero-COVID” policy in the “world’s small commodity capital” is the latest blow to the global supply chain.
  • 💸 Ukraine's central bank has banned the purchase of cryptocurrency using the country's local currency, invoking martial law which has been in effect since the invasion by Russia.
  • 💰 The White House is examining ways for President Biden to forgive some student loan debt through executive action — at least $10,000 per borrower — including a plan that would limit relief to undergraduate borrowers who earn less than $125,000 or $150,000 as individuals or $250,000 or $300,000 as a couple.
  • 📈 Elon Musk sold roughly $8.5 billion worth of Tesla Inc. stock in the three days after agreeing to buy Twitter Inc. for $44 billion, according to regulatory filings. The Tesla chief executive reported selling a total of more than 9.6 million shares on Tuesday through Thursday, at prices between around $820 and $1,000 a share, the filings show.


View our full event calendar here.

🍺 The Pamphleteer hosts Bar Hours every Thursday night at Lucky's 3 Star Bar from 6-8 PM. The first ten guests get drinks on the company tab. Join us to discuss how to shake off the sloth of the modern era and recapture the vitality that made this country great.

🎙 Hannah Juanita is playing two-steppin' music every Friday in April at Bobby's Idle Hour. Great show, she packs the place.

🎪 Check out our favorite driving distance festivals this summer.

👨🏻‍🌾 The Pamphleteer farmer's market guide


🎩  History Class @ Bold Patriot Brewing, 5:00, Info

🎸 Harry Fontana @ American Legion Post 82, 7p, Free, Info

📜 Poetry Slam @ Twin Kegs II, 7p, Free, Info

💃 Swing Dancing Lessons @ The Bold Patriot, 8p, Free, Info

🕺 Motown Monday @ The 5 Spot, 9p, $5, Info

🎹 Jazz Jam @ The Villager, 11p, Free, Info


🐷 Primus: a Farewell to Kings tour & Battles (5/9) @ The Ryman, 7:30p, $55+, Info

🥁 Gogol Bordello (5/21) @ Brooklyn Bowl, 8p, $33, Info

🎸 Boulevards (7/17) @ Basement East, 7p, $10, Info



The Flat Curver Awards
Our first, and hopefully last, awards honoring those who stood strong against the rising tide of Covid tyranny and ruthlessly mocking those that didn’t


On Right Wing Media
Food shortage imminent, we promise.
Best Patio Beverages in Nashville
Where to get the best beverages to drink under the Tennessee summer sun
The Kill Switch
White House, Take the Wheel
The Whole World In Its Hands
The Biden administration’s efforts to conserve America’s land and waterways are not what they seem
Around the Web

✸ The short happy life of Robert Louis Stevenson On Robert Louis Stevenson’s life and legacy.

𐂅 What the Fitness Industry Doesn’t Understand A new generation of fitness instructors teaches simple skills that make a difference. Why is beginner-level exercise treated like a niche?

༆ Faith in Princes Elon is neither your enemy nor your savior.

Political Theater Highlight Reel
  1. Trevor Noah: ‘Fox News is sort of like a Waffle House’. He has no idea what this means.
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Words of Wisdom
''To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall.''

Robert Louis Stevenson

Today's newsletter is brought to you by Megan Podsiedlik (Nashville), Edward Landstreet (Local Noise), and Davis Hunt (everything else).